Executions in 2018: min. 690 plus 'thousands' in China

John R.

Hey what's up, how's it going? Good I hope: Let me begin by apologizing for my terrible handwriting! It all goes back to an old thumb Wrestling injury. I was defending my title in a Championship match when I went in for the game winning pin...& then the worse possible thing that can happen...did happen! I got a cramp! So there's my poor little member (no pun intended) about to go in for a bone breaking tendon tearing game winning pin & BAM, I get a cramp! (Sigh) I was devastated, I couldn't even text anybody. I had to actually CALL People...(GASP!)...I know, shocking huh? Nah, I'm just kidding.

What really happened was what's commonly referred to as the "Great Ping-Pong Debacle of '03". So there I was at Nationals & the score is 20-19 my way & it's the final match too. It was my serve & this is for the game winning point, so I back my super deluxe limited edition pro series paddle up for the serve. It is of course all decked out w/ all These Little decal Stickers from all my sponsors. There's Crisco cooking lard which I use to lube up my Hand for easy transitioning from holding the paddle from the overhand position to the underhand position. Also there's Harley Davidson which is who provides me w/ my fingerless gloves for optimal gripping of the paddle. There's many others but it'll take too long to describe them all.

So back to that I was saying...travelling at approx..00000015 MPH (because everything goes into slo-mo at this point) I swing the paddle at Mack 3 Speeds which of course breaks the sound barrier w/ a resounding sonic BOOM! I see in my peripheral vision as the crowd flinches from the thunder clap of the sonic boom & allow myself a brief smile as if to say "That's right, Superman ain't got nothing on me!" The ball flies over the table, hits my side & skims over the net, touches down on my opponents side & is about a foot away flying into the crowd & taking out an eye or lodging into someones unguarded nostril. So of course I did what any red-blooded American who's on the cusp of glory & is hopped up on Redbull & No-Doz would've done. I break into my victory dance! Which is a mixture between the tootsie roll/Butterfly/stanky leg/new jack swing & a lil bit of cumbia to honor my latino roots.
Now keep in mind this is all Happening in a split second.So there I am grooving getting down like James Brown...which basically looks like I'm choking on something while having a heart attack & trying to air away a fart! Totally awesome victory dance, huh? I know I know...(shoulder shrug)! Then I notice something...my opponents hand is mere inches away from intercepting my super sonic Mack 3 mini asteroid of a ping-pong ball. (GASP!) What could I do? I did the only thing I could do....right in the middle of a 1/2 slide stanky tootsie butterfly roll... I lurched forward which unceremoniously racked the family jewels against the table causing me to bring up my hand in the path of least resistance. As my hand  smashes against the bottom edge of the table, causing me to drop my much coveted paddle...(sigh) ... I immediately look up to see my opponent has parried my serve & w/ no paddle in hand I watch in a state of shock as it zooms right past me! The ping-pong world was never the same again & I was "black-balled" (literally they sent me a ball painted black to get their point across). So yeah please excuse my bad handwriting huh?

Wait till you hear how I got my hunch-back or my peg-leg....hahaha... Anywho, if you're interested in journeying on a little friendship w/ me then hit me back, just a chat. Maybe we can shed some light in the dark & put some smiles between the frowns & just generally clown around.

I'm trying to LIVE, LAUGH & LOVE...in that order. I stay listening to music, write poetry & read fantasy novels like a total nerd...but of course I am completely & chaotically cool! So introduce me to your world & I'll introduce you to mine. While shaking off the shade & continuing to throw shine! I won't say goodbye, instead I'll say "Until next time" ... so QUICK, HURRY, pick up the pen & drop me a few lines. MUCH LOVE...GOD BLESS...

your loving friend in waiting,


If you want to write this inmate, please send an e-mail to sekretariat@initiative-gegen-die-todesstrafe.de and ask for his address.


Last update: May 2018



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